Reflections on Leaving Japan....Ichi go Ichi e

My life lately has been extremely hectic. Suddenly I have tons to do at work and out of it. At work there has been seminar after seminar, and meeting after meeting. Out of work I have been learning to DJ (my debut is in a small Nagasaki city club this Friday), trying to learn all the forms of jodo and iaido (since I won’t get as much of a chance to train in either when I get back), packing, cleaning, making travel plans for Europe and trying to squeeze every ounce of summer fun that I possibly can out of my last weeks here in the land of the rising sun.

Two years. Not a short amount of time, but then again, not overwhelmingly long. It seems like it went in a mere blink, but when I walk or drive around my little portion of Japan now I realize just how used to everything I am. This has really become my home in so many ways. I have weekly routines, daily conversations in Japanese, a clear place in Japanese society and a good social circle. I have accomplished a lot and have ended up somewhere different than I intended, but in many ways somewhere I know is closer to where I want to end up in the long term. I have learned that life is unpredictable a lot of the time, but that that is part of the fun. I have learned that I love brutal honesty more than politeness and fakeness, though I recognize the need for the latter in professional settings now. I have added two martial arts to my repertoire, as well as the basics of another foreign language. I ate raw fish (I who disliked fish of any kind before coming here).. I have experienced traditional tea ceremonies, crazy Japanese office parties, and relaxed in beautiful onsen hot springs. I have met people from all around the world and learned we all have way more in common than not, and the nots are what lead to most of the good conversations anyways. Did I mention I ate raw fish?? Actually even saying that seems so mundane now, especially after the plethora of previously unheard of sea and land creatures I have eaten since coming here.

Listing everything that I have seen and done in the past two years would be impossible and probably boring for anyone other than me though. So I’ll stop with the above paragraph. I am not sure if I will write another blog entry from Japan after this simply because I am too busy for reflection, but I just wanted to say it has been one hell of a ride.

I still remember getting off the plane in Nagasaki airport with Nicole and realizing I was going to the middle of nowhere, knowing no one, and not speaking the language of majority. I remember moving from the little town of Shimabara closer to the city last year, and having most of my really good friends leave Japan, thus leaving me to start over again on my own. I was so scared last year about how this year would go, and really it turned out to be even better than the first.

In this final glance back, I regret nothing, and though I will miss a lot of things, I feel ready to move on finally. I will stay in touch with many people, and though I will never be able to have the exact crazy wonderful times that I have had here, I will keep a memory of those things and bravely go forth towards continuing to gain more experiences of a similar nature. I was still for too long before, but after the last few years I am finally ready to accept that action is the only way to keep myself doing meaningful things. It is also wonderful to know, that as I have adopted a global perspective, and move towards an international career, I will have friends in many corners of the world. Not just acquaintances but people that I really consider solid individuals. That is a very, very nice feeling to have. 　Arigatou, Japan. Honto ni, arigatou.

Parents in Japan

Well my parents have come and gone and now I am on the final stretch of my life in Japan. Having them here was actually pretty nice (although there were many moments of near craziness due to them being….well, themselves). It was nice seeing them after all this time though, and sharing with them what has been my life for the past two years.

We started their trip to Japan with a visit to Kyoto and Nara, the old Japanese capitals. I love the history and beauty of these cities and thankfully my parents did too. Nara especially is beautiful and quintessentially Japanese, gorgeous gardens and all. The main area of interest there is Nara Koen which is a large park featuring several historical sights and temples, and which has something like 2000 deer roaming freely thorough it and interacting with visitors. My father got a little too generous with feeding the deer though, so at one point my mother and I got to stand by and watch with laughter as he was chased through the previously peaceful park by a mob of the hungry little bastards.

It was hilarious getting my parents impression of Japan too, and trying to get them to behave in Japan appropriate ways (getting my mother to stop making stereotypical anatomy size jokes was a challenge for one). I had forgotten how loud, crude and intense my family can be sometimes. My dad pretending to be a geisha in a Japanese bathrobe; my mother swearing loudly in Croatian and English amidst otherwise quiet Buddhist temple settings (I had reprimanded her, she told me I was being silly and to prove it said something indecent in Croatian to the back of a nearby monk, laughed to herself, and then tripped and almost fell into a carp pool, which finally made her behave).

After our whirlwind tour of old Japan, we finally headed back towards Nagasaki. By this point they had decided that their favourite type of Japanese restaurant was an Izakaya (I tried explaining that eating at these is the equivalent of eating at a western style pub…and hence food quality isn’t always the greatest, but they didn’t really seem to care – my mother was thrilled that she didn’t have to eat raw fish or other weird things as she had expected and my dad was just happy to have a large pint of beer in front of him). They also got really excited by the fact that there is an overabundance of bakeries in Japan – the availability of bread was a pleasant surprise apparently. I swear I ate more bread and bread related products in the two weeks they were here than the whole rest of the time I have been in Japan.

By the time we finally reached Nagasaki (me now several pounds heavier), the temperature was noticeably warmer and it was a lot more humid. My mother dealt with the heat surprisingly well, and I only had to listen to one long hour of whining on a day we had to walk from a ferry port to the beach with the sun high and hot overhead.

In Nagasaki, we did the usual tour – Mount Unzen (for onsening and the sulfur pits), Shimabara (my previous place of residence, and quaintly historical), Nagasaki city (my closest big city) and of course Omura (my current abode on the bay). They found the onsens (hot springs) interesting but weird and I think my mother liked them, but found them a bit hot. I also took them to see my friend perform Japanese dance, which was my first time as well, and quite a good way to experience traditional Japanese culture. Of course, they wanted to see me do Iaido and Jodo too and so I arranged for them to see some classes which was pretty cool for my teachers as well as for my parents. Training martial arts in Japan is a lot different from my experiences in North America, after all, and it was nice to share that with someone who can compare the two.

They also got to meet almost all of my friends, both foreign and Japanese, on one night or another. I even dragged them out to a battle of the bands at a local bar where I sometimes help out. I actually ended up working the bar that night so I was surprised that they stayed out quite late on their own in such a loud, crowded place. The only problem was that my mother kept trying to help me clean up the bar and even yelled at me for being too slow at one point. Mothers. My father was as usual antisocial, but I am glad he didn’t say anything too embarrassing. He mainly grilled everyone about whether they rode bikes or not and what kind.

Of course, everyone at work knew they were coming so my boss insisted I bring them around. I don’t think they expected the kind of reception they got, and were even sort of embarrassed (as I sometimes am) at how generous and kind everyone at the center is. There were ceremonies, presents, and numerous tea drinkings in their honour. I had to spend a few hours dragging them around to meet everyone and even the head director wanted to have tea with us. The only difficulty here was that I was often the only translator and while I may have passable Japanese for simple situations, trying to understand and translate complex cultural questions proved a little difficult. Luckily everyone was forgiving, and sometimes I just simply made stuff up so that things would be easier. A typical conversation went something like this:
Approximation of question asked in Japanese: `how do you find the cultural aspects of Japan are showcased in its ancient capitals and what impression of the Japanese people do they give you?`
My answer (mangled Japanese, and having understood only half of previous question):
`uuuum…..Japan culture? Yes. We like Japan culture. It….interesting. Very….fun`.
*big hopeful smile*

At the end of their time here I was getting quite used to having a full house again though, and it was nice to come home to a clean home and food everyday. At the same time, it made me realize how much I have come to value my alone time as well. All in all, I gained more than I lost…..especially since I rescued my poor green purse (which my mother claims makes me look like a whore due to the fact that its falling apart and is, well, bright green in colour) from the garbage, in my parents` failed attempt to get rid of it.

My friends` reactions to my parents was also funny – everyone was surprised that my mother does in fact sound exactly like how I imitate her – heavy Croatian accent, and constantly claiming that she is dying from some disease or other.

All in all good times, but as soon as they were on the train on Friday, I definitely deserved the night of drinking that I got!

Transitional Euphoria and other leftovers from the good ol` party days....

It`s amazing how much of an affect a three day work week can have on my mood -- I have been positively euphoric the last few days. Partially it`s the weather being gorgeous and my tan coming along nicely, but it`s also my parents coming for a visit, and many exciting things planned both within Japan before I leave and after Japan when I go to Europe for a bit before finally going back to Toronto. Notice, I didn`t say before finally going home. I don`t know when that happened, but I don`t see Toronto as home anymore. Whether it is the fact that my brother and parents moved away from there since me coming to Japan, or whether it`s just been too long since I`ve been gone, the fact is it no longer feels like a place I can go back to and make a life. Maybe I will change my mind when I go back, but likely I will just move on the the next place. I do have big plans for the future, but time will tell.

My parents arrive tomorrow and then we are off to Kyoto for some historical sightsteeing (i.e. me secretly drinking cold sake from a waterbottle as they obliviously galavant about ancient temples). After a few days I plan on bringing them back to Nagasaki where I am looking forward to introducing them to everyone, though I am a little anxious about how they will react to `the boys`. I am also dragging them to a battle of the bands event here, which my mother easily agreed to much to my surprise, until I later realized it`s because she thinks it`s an orchestral performance of some sort -- I plan on letting her keep that misconception until after the doors are closed and they have no way out of the venue...

My whole body is buzzing with the anticipation of things to come these days. In the back of my mind there are still some things to resolve and deal with but for the time being they have been pushed back in favour of `action mode`. It`s a good feeling.

I like pain

Well party-wise it was a quietish weekend – screaming karaoke and drunken trampoline jumping are the only hallmarks of the past two nights out. However, nature adventure wise – this weekend kicked some serious anus. On Saturday me and the girls went wakeboarding at our friend Nori`s shop. We stayed over at his on the Friday as well because the shop is right on the bay and has a huge trampoline to practice wakeboarding moves on. I almost killed myself trying to do front flips, which also quickly degenerated into trampoline sumo with the others – a highly safe sport, I assure you.

My first attempt at wakeboarding was less than glorious and left me feeling as if my arms had been ripped out. My second attempt was not much different and ended with a face plant into the sea. The other girls (most notably Shawna and Courtney) seemed to be naturals at it and had no trouble getting up and even attempting tricks. My start was slower but eventually I did manage to stand on the board and even be pulled along for a few seconds before once again planting it into the salt waters. Ah well, I plan on going again coz it was fun as hell!

Sunday was spent in a more relaxed way tanning at a waterfall. The water was still quite cold but given that I had swam there in March I felt like I could afford to give it a go. It was refreshing to say the least…and I fear that the cold it took me all last week to get over may now be back in full force. I guess I am just not that good at saying no to temptation!

This weekend a friend from Toronto is coming to visit me and the week after my parents are coming down! I`m excited to have visitors – seeing Japan through people new to it is always amusing and also it will be nice to see family. I might just drag my parents to some extreme sports…

In-tents Golden Week Adventures

Well, my second (and probably last for a while) Golden Week has come and gone and summer seems to have fully set in here again. I had an amazing time over the past week and I gotta say, I don’t regret choosing to travel within Japan rather than heading out of the country on holiday – gotta make the last few months count!

For the first part of last week I went down to Miyazaki with Courtney and Kara for surfing. We hitchhiked there, which was an interesting experience. The guy who picked us up first was kinda strange but was only gonna drive us a half an hour to the expressway from the Kumamoto ferry port. However, as we talked to him in the car, he suddenly decided to drive us all the way there and on the regular roads – a 4 hour trip one way!—even though he had work the next day and so would have had to drive back to Kumamoto that evening. We were amazed at our luck but figured the guy was the lonely sort and was just happy to have three young women in the car on a sunny day. I actually quite liked him, and we chatted about the X-files and extraterrestrial life while Kara spent half the trip throwing up out of the back of the car (we had gone drinking the night before in Shimabara) and Courtney spent most of the time trying not to laugh at my nerd connection with our driver.

We arrived in Miyazaki in the early evening and after setting up camp on the beach, quickly changed into our swim clothes and ran to the sea. It was amazing and refreshing! That night there was a candle festival going on near the beach so we decided to check it out. There were candles and various lights everywhere, arranged in different patterns in this gorgeous Japanese garden. The effect was enchanting and we spent a lot of time taking it in. Finally though, our tiredness and hunger took over and we headed for the local Izakaya where we had a great traditional Japanese meal.

We woke up early the next morning and headed to the surf shop. The guy rented us boards and gave us a pretty extensive lesson, and in Japanese at that. I also bought a really cool rash guard so that I could look the part of a surfer…even though I had only tried the sport once before. Image counts, people!

The waves weren’t huge but we did get a few good rounds in all the same. I even managed to stand on the board a few times! That night we were exhausted after all day in the ocean and finished with a seaside onsen and a wine and cheese party on the beach. The following day we spent touring the nearby volcanic island and going for a long distance swim before heading back towards Kumamoto.

All in all, it was incredibly refreshing and I am now completely addicted to surfing. I am going to go to Miyazaki at least one more time before I leave Japan.

The second half of the week was a different kind of animal. I went with the boys (Aaron, Julian and Mike) to a large outdoor hippie fest in the mountains near Aso (an active volcano). It took us forever to get there (and most of us were already drunk when we arrived) but it was worth it. There must have been something like 1000 people in the camp, and it was an almost even mix of foreigners and Japanese people. We set up our tents quickly and headed for the main stage area. Over the course of several days we met up with tons of people we knew as well as befriended a bunch of new people. We drank, ate, sang, danced and generally had a great time. Lots of people had little booths set up in tents where they were selling anything from jewelry to chai, to curries, to hemp products. Many people sat in front of bonfires just playing African drums or acoustic guitar and people joined in if they felt like it.

I spent most of my time with Sachiko and Kazuya, and Kazuya`s two kids though. They are friends from Shimabara whom I totally adore and rarely get to see these days. They had come really prepared so they had a grill and chairs and tarp set up, which was good because a lot of the time it was raining and windy and they had a little safe haven.

It was an amazing experience, drifting from one campfire and tent to another, walking in the rain and the mud completely out of it. However, by the time Saturday rolled around I was starting to get a little sick from not having been dry in several days and so I was sort of relieved when all the boys agreed to head home. Getting out was a bit of a struggle though, as the rains had made the roads mud and we had to push several cars through it to get out. I was completely covered in mud when it was all done! Thankfully there was an onsen nearby, so we stopped there before heading home. They were not all that happy to see a group of muddy gaijin in their pristine baths, but hey, that’s what the pre-showering is for, right?

All in all, the whole week was organic and nature-y. In other words, kinda a step away from the norm for me. I probably spent more time in a tent in that past week than I have in my entire life. I felt at one with nature – and let me tell you, by the end of the week, I certainly smelled `natural`. It was really, truly, great – but at the same, coming back to Nagasaki and going out for dinner in normal clothes, clean, dry and in a nice restaurant felt wonderful as well. Long live variety!

Reflecting before Golden Week

BAAAAAAAHHH!!! Ok. That feels better. Sometimes I try too hard to be composed and need to let a little crazy out.

So I have to leave Japan in a few months and I am realizing that both logistically and emotionally that is going to be no easy task. So much to do! In addition, when my contract finishes at the end of July, I have a wedding to go to, a possible trip to China to still carry out, a long overdue visit to my home country of Croatia as well as trips to the UK and Austria to take care of. I have to figure out where I will live when I finally get back to Toronto sometime in October and what I will do with, well, everything. I have to get letters of recommendation and apply to graduate programs. I have to choose a program first – but even a location would help coz both Vancouver and Vienna are in the running at the moment. Relations or development? Business or diplomacy? Travel or career? Money or meaning? And on and on and on and on. Ok. I have to breathe. I know it will be fine….right? RIGHT??

The truth is though, I am not so worried about all this today. Why? Because it’s Friday. And not just any Friday, but the start of Golden Week – the big holiday week in Japan. I have most of next week off so I am leaving tonight for Miyazaki down in the south to go surfing for a few days. For the latter part of the week I am going to a big outdoor music fest at the foot of a volcano with the boys. Basically I will be living in a tent for the next couple of days, and that is fine by me!

I am always confronted by the abundance of good things in life, despite the minor setbacks that occur. Why then, as an excitement and novelty seeker did the fates curse me with sentimentality, romanticism, attachment and worst of all overthinking? Something I will never know….but what I do know is that I must keep moving. I must keep living, exploring, and learning. Boredom, stagnation, understimulation – those are my enemies. I am determined that when I look back on my life it may be with longing, but it will never, ever be with regret.

So when I come back from surfing, I may be battered and bruised, but you bet your ass I`ll pass out with a smile on my face! (um...wish me luck all the same....)

Megaphones make me murderous....

So it’s election time over here in Japan. Now, for a country that prides itself on its demure politeness and whose culture places emphasis on not upsetting others, election time here is surprisingly one of the most annoying things I have ever experienced. Each party, and there seem to be whole lot of them, sends its people throughout the country (even to normally sleepy towns) in large vans and trucks to promote themselves. These trucks are filled to the brim with enthusiastic party members who use megaphones to shout complete nonsense (basically a continual stream of `please`s and `thank you`s) out the windows in the loudest, and most annoying tone of voice ever. And it goes on all day, everyday. It kept me from sleeping-in this weekend, and somewhat ruined the lovely park day that would have otherwise been spent in peace and quiet. It forces me to keep turning up and turning down the volume on my TV at home as the trucks pass. It makes my head hurt and basically makes me want to get psychotically violent – it also makes me wonder where the megaphone factories are located so that I could perhaps go and commit arson on them.

Well election van ranting aside the perfect weekends continued. The highlight of this weekend was actually doing a naked wheelbarrow race around my apartment block thanks to the deadly drinking game `circle of death` on Friday night. I am sure my neighbours have a very low opinion of me already, seeing as how I once forgot to separate my plastic from my paper trash, and this probably did nothing to elevate me in their eyes.

On Saturday the boys, as well as Kara’s band `Siren`, performed at the Crazy Horse in Nag. It was a great show, but I have a pet peeve against the Crazy Horse since these events always get waaaay too packed for such a small place and I start to feel hot, sticky and somewhat vulnerable, especially if I am wearing a skirt. After the show we headed to a DJ event also put on by friends and thankfully that was less packed. I was in a strange mood though, and kept trying to engage people in serious, deep conversation while everyone else was clearly just trying to have a good time. I think it’s just my brain crying out for intellectual stimulation, perhaps I should buy some brain puzzles or something to make sure what brain cells I have left don’t atrophy.

Sunday was curry and park day. It was nice and relaxing but involved mild injury via zip line, which was totally worth it. I also watched `Blood Diamond` finally. I am really interested in Africa these days because I don’t know enough about the continent and it seems to be a very fascinating place. I also miss my friend Jen`s lectures on the subject, though she still sends me an article about conflicts and politics in Africa here and there. I feel strangely drawn to go to the place. Maybe because it is the cradle of humanity and all, or maybe just coz I haven’t been there yet. In any case, I am sure I will spend some time in Africa at some point in the near future.