Whales are kinda big creatures that you always notice....

Sometimes I want to be loud. I want to loose control, to scream, to dance, to wrestle in a drunken/drugged up craze as if there were no tomorrow. It makes me feel free. It let’s me release the crap that builds up and is restrained daily in my life as a ‘normal person’, especially here in Japan. Of course it is here, where I find I need this release the most, that it is most subdued. Thus far it has been all right, but I think soon something might crack at the seams and the ensuing emotional shrapnel might have a rather large explosion radius. In any case, if you see any reports of mass killings in Japan by some deranged blond girl it’s probably me. Yep.

Anywho, the past weekend was a good one. Too good in fact. So good that it’s made me really sentimental about the people who are leaving Japan this year. We had a birthday party for Jen (and others) at Kara’s place here in Shimabara and a great many people turned out. The night was full of craziness, drama, screaming, drunkenness, belligerency and even a punch or two thrown in for good measure. We had live music, lanterns, barbeques, and many, many more amenities to make up for the fact that we couldn’t have the party at the beach as had originally been planned due to the pouring rain. The nights had several good and bad points, though in my drunken state I was blissfully oblivious to all the bad crap that was going on until the following morning. I feel like it was certainly one of the most interesting nights I’ve had in Japan all year, and it was nice to have everyone that I really care about in one place. On Monday though, it just made me sad.

I don’t know why I am the way I am but I’ve always loved adventure, exploration and trying new things, yet at the same time I hate when my social situation starts to change , which happens all the time in my life. I hate loosing the people that I love. A lot of the time I do it to myself, but also a lot of the time it’s beyond my control. It’s almost as if my entire psyche were set up in such a way as to make sure that at any given moment I can’t be completely happy – that some aspect of my life will feel like its lacking. God I hate that. That’s where the running around naked in the rain part comes in. Well not really naked, but hey, when you’re totally soaked it feels like you’re naked anyways so it’s all the same really. It’s an escape. An escape from the reality that it seems I try so very hard to fit into sometimes when what I really should be doing is shaping it. Not letting it shape me. What can I say though? I never had good stamina, and shaping reality certainly requires some of that.

If I could have only one wish right now, it would be to be always surrounded by the people that I have loved the most in my life. The people that I talk to only rarely now, or often but only on msn. The people that live too far away, or will soon live really far away. The people whose praise makes me beam, and whose disapproval makes me want to cry. Those that can make me laugh by simply being themselves. Ah fuck. I really am an emotional bastard. Maybe it’s time to hit up the birth control pills instead huh? A little hormonal control never hurt anyone….or perhaps I should stick to loving plants and other inanimate objects. That’s a lot more safe I think – well emotionally anyways; and physically too so long as I stay away from cacti and such.

Uh...uh.....just a little bit.

Yah ok, here are some pics....for those of you whom Hooked on Phonics failed. They are from last weekend's trip to Omura to watch a soccer game, Kobe conference, and Jen and Kara's Karate test.

I need to start taking more pictures damnit.

On a side note....it's just about one month till I come back to TO for a visit!! My time in Shimabara is almost over (since I will be coming back to Japan to a different city and different job) and I find that I am mix of emotions -- which I guess is appropriate. Next weekend is Jen's Birthday party and we're having this huge thing on the beach. It's gonna be amazing, and will probably be one of my last great memories of this year. Despite the hellish winter months without central heat, this has been a good year though. Certainly one of the best in a long time. At the same time, I can't wait to see everyone back home! Are you ready, my babies??

Lime FORCES me (that's my story, and I'm sticking to it) into the Brazilian Jacket. Is this why Croatia lost?? We will never know.... 

I am crying now.....mainly from shame. 

Ok, I have to admit tho.....it's a hot jacket. 

Hanging with the peeps from Iki at the Kobe conference. 

Niki and I....awwww, Croatia pride yo! 

Leaving the club in Osaka at 6 am.....sadly Kara couldn't keep the camera steady anymore at that point, and Alison was clutching on to my arm almost passed out. Big John looks pretty together tho.... 

This is what I really do during school hours.... 

The Karate peeps. This was for Kara and Jen's purple belt test, which they both passed splendidly. So how did we celebrate? 

By having shots, naturally! 

Of course...some people handle their booze like pros.... 

Others....not so much. 

Croatian Crackers and Brazil Nuts (Go Croatia!!)

Well the World Cup is here and so I am starting to miss my crazy Croatian family. Every time the world cup is on I get flooded with warm memories of piercing screams of both anguish and joy, multiple impending heart attacks, temper tantrums, hair pulling, death threats and so on, all stemming from my ‘passionately’ devoted family members. I mean we’re hardly a peaceful family on the best of days, but add soccer into the mix and things go nuts. My mother, father and sister can’t even sit properly through a game from all the nerves, and the score keeping and reporting is therefore largely left to me while they run screaming and hair-pulling in and out of the room. This Croatian passion is one of the largest strengths and weaknesses of my people in general. But mainly it just makes us fun drinking buddies.

Croatia has a very strong team this year and so I’m hoping for the best! Even though I won’t be able to catch most games on TV, I will be following events very closely online…..especially this Wednesday, which is Croatia’s first official game (against the dreaded Brazilians). If our boys can stay calm long enough, we might actually get somewhere!

This weekend I went down to Omura to hang out with some of the soccer fans there who were watching the England game. It was good times. I also took the opportunity to do a little demoralizing on my friend (at least until Wednesday) Lima, who is a satanically devoted Brazilian fan (she’s actually Portuguese-Canadian, and though she was born in Brazil, seems only to consider herself Brazilian during the world cup – convenient, indeed).
The low point of the night came when I, thwarted by my drunkenness and fondness for pretty green vests, actually tried on her Brazilian jacket. I knew something was wrong when I felt an instantaneous wave of nausea come over me. I also seem to have a rash this morning….Oh well, hopefully some of my Croatian sweat pheromones are now giving her an allergic reaction.

The rest of the weekend was fun as well. There was Journey's going away party on Friday, a concert by the talented Doug and Devon at Shin's (which also featured a little vocal punk solo in Croatian by yours truly), went shopping for presents (which was incredibly hard without my sister around telling me what to buy), watched the DaVinci code (which sucked my anus, and not in the pleasurable way), went to a batting cage (think I pulled something, and also was mildly embarrassed when I realized that I was screaming like a little girl at the fast approaching balls when I normally make fun of others for doing the same thing – what are you doing to me Jenny??), and finally lost (badly) three times in air hockey to an obviously world class opponent (of course some of us come from poor communist countries and therefore didn’t have the same privileged, air hockey laden American childhood that others have).

In other news, my Iaido sensei is teaching me the next level of Iaido katas – and they are amazingly cool! Cutting off imaginary opponents limbs is definitely my idea of a good time (hmm, maybe I should put that on a dating ad sometime).

Well, that’s it for now. I know it’s a long one. The next one I post will be pics, I promise. Till then – GO CROATIA!!! Napred nasi!!